Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? It’s a question that’s been lighting up social media ever since Chanté Joseph’s thought-provoking piece in “British Vogue” dropped, sparking a cultural conversation about how women are redefining relationships, priorities, and the societal expectations placed on them.
Building on this, Joseph’s article explores a significant shift: women posting their partners less and sometimes, not at all, on social media.
Gone are the days of Instagram bios featuring boyfriend initials or carousel posts of candlelit date nights. Now, if a man makes it to your Instagram story, he’s lucky to be a blurry elbow in a photo that expires in 24 hours.
But why the change? Is this a feminist flex, a protective measure, or simply a sign of the times? Let’s unpack the cultural wave that’s got everyone talking, and why it just might be time to embrace the idea that a romantic relationship is not the ultimate achievement.
From #couplegoals to #singleandthriving
Once upon a time, having a boyfriend was a shiny status symbol. A relationship meant you were desirable, lovable and worthy. Women would eagerly showcase their partners online, as if to say, “Look, I’ve made it!”
However, the narrative is shifting.
Joseph writes, “It feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as culturally loser-ish.”
It’s not just about aesthetics, though. It’s become a running joke across the internet that men are embarrassing, in the famous words of Khanyi Mbau, “Men will leave you in the desert without water.”
Many women hide their partners for reasons like prioritising privacy, keeping options open, or concerns about public judgment or relationship instability. Hiding a partner can also come from insecurity, wanting to avoid interference from others, or protecting themselves from future embarrassment or pain if the relationship ends.
After all, who wants to deal with the awkwardness of scrubbing couple photos off their feed after a breakup or worse, seeing strangers slide into your partner’s DMs simply because you posted them?
Take, for example, South African actress Lerato Nxumalo. Even after her marriage, she’s kept her husband out of the spotlight. Why? Because, as she bluntly put it, “The girls have no shame.”
Sharing him publicly would only invite unnecessary drama. In other words, the list of girls she publicly named and shamed who went and “befriended” her alleged husband’s social media accounts.
This shift isn’t just about privacy; it’s also about priorities. Women, especially millennials and Gen Z, are embracing the idea that their value isn’t tied to their relationship status. Careers, friendships, hobbies and personal growth are taking centre stage.
Take Tracee Ellis Ross, for instance. The 52-year-old actress has never married or had children, a choice she’s been vocal about.
At a 2017 Glamour event, she reflected on how people often tell her she needs kids to give her life meaning. Her response? A reminder that her life is already “incredible” and full of purpose.
Why are women happier without men?
It’s not just anecdotal. Studies back up the idea that single women are thriving. Research by the University of Toronto found that women are generally more satisfied with their relationship status than men, less likely to actively seek a partner, and more content with their lives overall.
Paul Dolan, a happiness expert from the London School of Economics, goes even further. According to his research, single, childless women are the happiest demographic.
Why? Because they’re free from the mental and physical stress that often comes with traditional roles in marriage and motherhood.
Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? This question has sparked a cultural debate, particularly following Chanté Joseph’s thought-provoking piece in British Vogue
In heterosexual relationships, women still do the majority of the housework, emotional labour and childcare, even when working full-time.
Men, meanwhile, reap the benefits of a second income and a caretaker at home. As sociologist Emily Grundy explains, “Men gain more from a partnership than single women.”
Part of the issue is that society has long sold us a fairy tale: True happiness lies in finding “The One.” But more and more women are realising this narrative is a scam.
Patriarchy has convinced us that men’s needs, opinions, and feelings matter more than our own. Women are made to feel like they’re “asking for too much” when they want equal partnership, emotional support, or even basic respect.
Substandard relationships that drain women while benefiting men. As Joseph’s article notes, women are waking up to the idea that they don’t need a man to complete them or even to make them happy. Let’s be clear: no one’s saying love is bad.
Seeing happy couples can be refreshing and beautiful. But romantic relationships shouldn’t define us. They’re just one part of a rich, multifaceted life.
Think about that friend who’s always busy with exciting projects, hobbies, and adventures. She’s learning Spanish, running marathons, and travelling the world. Her relationship status is irrelevant. Because the least interesting thing about her is whether or not she has a boyfriend.
That’s the energy women are channelling now. Relationships are no longer the centrepiece of their lives; they’re a nice-to-have, not a need-to-have.
The question remains: Is having a boyfriend embarrassing? Maybe not. But making him the centre of your universe? Well, that’s a conversation for another time, perhaps. – IOL
